| Home
Why hello! Welcome to Lofvers.com, the only official webpage of Jeff Lofvers. If you're reading this, it means that you are one of the lucky three people to discover my website. Take a peek around, but be careful when looking at my pictures... it's nearly impossible to look away. Enjoy! . . . Latest Blog: Installing Blinds
7/25/2008 at 6:47 am After more than a year of complaints and compliments from the neighbors,
Code Enforcement has finally forced me to put blinds up in the bedroom.
Therefore, it is with great reluctance that I present…
Installing Blinds The Jeff Way: Ten Easy Steps
1. Open box and dump contents onto bed. Don't worry about losing screws
in the sheets-- your spine will have no trouble finding them while you sleep.
2. Ignore improperly numbered instructions and start drilling holes
for screws. Since accuracy is key (and measuring tape is missing), it is
very important to determine exact placement using your hands and a piece of
string.
3. Discover that none of the 6 screwdrivers you own are narrow enough
to fit in the holes of the support clamps. Go to the store and buy a fancy
new bit for your power drill.
4. Screw in first set of supports, then discover that screw types vary
from one box to another. Go back to the store for a second, fancier and newer,
drill bit.
5. Return to your house and remove dirty shoes. Enter the bedroom and
proceed to drop the power drill on your little toe (bit side down). Shout
obscenities out open window.
6. Consider putting on shoes as you drill more holes. Break drill bit
off in wall. Switch drill bit and repeat.
7. Use hammer to pry broken bits out of wall. Decide to put on shoes
as soon as you're done with the hammer.
8. Drop hammer on same little toe. Create new obscenities and shout
them with vigor out open window.
9. Throw blinds onto floor. Bleed. Glare at any neighbors who won't
mind their own business.
10. Pick up tangled blinds and hang them from the few installed supports.
Declare that the blinds are "just for looking" and never touch them again.
It's that easy!
Jeff's moral for the day: Don't put heavy tools on windowsills. Seriously. |