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Why hello! Welcome to Lofvers.com, the only official webpage of Jeff Lofvers. If you're reading this, it means that you are one of the lucky three people to discover my website. Take a peek around, but be careful when looking at my pictures... it's nearly impossible to look away. Enjoy! . . . Latest Blog: 30th Birthday
10/08/2008 at 12:42 pm For quite some time, people have called my girlfriend "a tolerant woman", "partially
blind", or "a saint", but now they can add "devious" to the list. This past Friday,
she had the nerve to put together a surprise party for my 30th birthday.
I thought that I would be attending a nice BBQ at my brother's house. Since
my brother hates me, doesn't own a house, and thinks only idiots have barbecues
long after sunset, you would think I'd be suspicious. But no, I went along for
the ride, because I am a trusting person.
When Shannon veered from our path to Steve's I was confused, but she was driving,
so I had little choice. We got out of the car and strolled down a long bridge
to the Orlando Science Center.
As we entered the lobby, the security guard at the front desk welcomed us.
She stared intently at me at we walked past. I made faces.
Shannon pushed the button for the elevator, and pointed to my phone. "You
might want to call your brother and tell him you'll be late. I have a few people
meeting us here." She said.
There was a long, confusing, awkward silence, before the elevator doors opened.
In the back of my head, I was thinking, "How nice, a handful of people meeting
us for a laser light show. That should be fun."
We rode to the sixth floor, the doors opened and a great deal more than a
handful of people shouted "SURPRISE." Since they were all looking at me, instead
of Shannon, I was pretty sure they were there for me.
As it turns out, my girlfriend had spent the last few months planning this
event. She rented the entire top floor of the observatory, giant telescopes,
an astronomer or two, bartenders and caterers, and managed to find dozens of
people that claimed to be my friend. The place was loaded with Transformer and
Batman party decorations. In the background, my collection of music could be
heard. Balloons, cakes, and streamers filled the tables, and a banner with my
face on it waved outside.
For weeks, I had been suspicious of Shannon's activities. But I simply thought
she had found a better boyfriend... nothing like this. Neighbors, coworkers,
family members, enemies, and old roommates had all been secretly contacted.
Strangely enough, no one said a thing in the weeks leading up to the party.
I am still floored five days later. The whole event was a shock. I spent the
night bumbling through conversations, and struggling to come to terms with what
had just happened.
To give you a better idea of what was going on in my head, I have put together
a list of things that shocked and amazed me. I hope this helps:
30 Surprises From My Surprise Birthday Party
1. Everyone really is plotting behind my back
2. 30 is extremely old, according to people under 30
3. 30 is extremely old, according to people over 30
4. People that have embarrassing Jeff stories are willing to tell them to complete
strangers
5. I can eat 13 garlic knots in one sitting
6. People lean away when I talk to them
7. I have a sneakier girlfriend than I thought
8. I don't use the word "sneakier" nearly enough
9. People find that avoiding me is a great way to prevent spoiling any surprises
(some friends must have been planning this for years)
10. My music collection isn't necessarily tasteful for parties
11. You can rent an astronomer
12. Wearing a Birthday Jedi pin won't necessarily garner respect from rented
astronomers
13. According to all the gift cards I received, people think I need to eat more
14. If given the chance, my "friends" will deface a picture of me for their
own amusement
15. Anyone will pose for a "zombie photo" if prodded and aggravated enough
16. Pop up books are for grown ups too
17. Although 4 planets were visible through the light pollution of downtown
Orlando, none of them had telescopes pointed at Downtown Orlando
18. For some reason, a large number of people were surprised I knew a large
number of people
19. Fireworks are still boring when viewed through a telescope
20. Judging from the gifts from my parents, toilet humor is alive and well
21. Jupiter is the name of a planet, not just an ancient god
22. People will eat Angel food cake if you make them, but they won't eat foil
even if you pay them
23. No one at my age will admit to owning Transformers, but they'll fight you
to the death to play with one
24. Cameras always die during important events
25. No one will send you photos they took after your camera dies
26. 60 lbs of pasta, lasagna, garlic knots, and salad makes 3 lbs of leftover
penne
27. 3 lbs is still a lot to eat
28. At parties like this, the question "were you surprised?" will be asked a
surprising number of times (YES is the answer)
29. Three is the limit when people tell me jokes about Uranus
30. I like it when people pay attention to me
All right, that's my list.
Thank you to everyone for the best surprise 30th birthday party I've ever
had. I can't say enough to the people who made this event so special. This goes
double for Shannon, whose hard work and thoughtfulness set the bar so high that
I will never again throw a party that isn't a disappointment.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to aging.
Jeff's moral for the day: When people invite you to a barbecue, QUESTION
THEM (this goes double for cannibals).
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